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| The concept of a break-up is so foreign to me. I mean, i know what it means, but i didn't know what it would be like. I still wake up every day thinking, "is that me? the girl with the broken heart? when did that happen?" Everybody knows what a break-up is supposed to be like....you hear about them in songs and you seem them in movies, but literally nothing can prepare you. It sounds overdramatic, which i am naturally, but still it's...paralyzing. Where are we? What the hell is going on?The dust has only just begun to fall,Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.Spin me round again and rub my eyes.This can't be happening.When busy streets a mess with peoplewould stop to hold their heads heavy.Hide and seek.Trains and sewing machines.All those years they were here first.Oily marks appear on wallsWhere pleasure moments hung before.The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of thisstill life.Hide and seek.Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)Blood and tears,They were here first.Mmm, what you say?Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.Mmm, what you say?Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah off course it is.Mmm, what you say?Mm, that it’s just what we need? And you decided this.Mmm what you say?What did she say?Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit.You don't care a bit. | | |
| "Where Does The Good Go"
Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and un break broken, it won't happen
It's love that breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go
It's been a looooooong time since I've written.
I'm graduating on Thursday. I know.....crazy. It definitely hasn't hit me yet. I'm still going through each class in my head every couple of hours, thinking if I have any homework to do. It's weird to think that after Tuesday, I won't be going back to Stagg every morning. It seems like it's all too fast. Who says I'm old enough to be graduating? I don't feel like I am. | | |
| This song seems perfect right now, in the last couple of days of 2005...
Forever Young-
let's dance in style
let's dance for a while
heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
hoping for the best but expecting the worst
are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
let us die young or let us live forever
don't have the power but we never say never
sitting in the sandpit
life is a short trip
music's for the sad man
can you imagine when this race is run
turn our golden faces into the sun
praisin' our leaders, getting in tune
the music's played by the mad men
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever
some are like water and some are like the heat,
some are melodies, some are the beat,
sooner or later they'll all be gone,
why don't they stay out
it's hard to get on without a cause,
i don't want to perish like a fading voice,
youth is like diamonds in the sun,
diamonds are forever
so many adventures couldn't happen today
so many songs we forgot to play
so many dreams swinging out of the blue
left to come true
forever young, i want to be forever young,
do you really want to live forever
forever, forever
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever
forever, forever
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever
forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever... | | |
| "Rosy the lines that you wrote with your hand. Reading between them, to misunderstand. I made the mistake you said not to make. Yes, reading the letters, conviction did grow. I thought it a chance, I knew I must go. It's hard to believe i could be so naive...flattered but deceived."
"I'm only a woman of flesh and bone. And I wait too much, we all do. I thought I might die alone. But I have never never never never never never never never never never never met you. So baby, be good to me. I got nothing to give you, you see. Except everything, everything, everything, everything, all the good and the bad. 'Cause I've been bad. I've lied, cheated, stolen, and been grateful for what I've had. And I'm afraid habits rule my wake and i'm found scared and I'm running in my sleep for you. But all of the oceans and rivers and showers will wash it all away and make me clean, for you. 'Cause I have never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never loved somebody the way that I love you." | | |
| "Say you'll love me every waking moment. Turn my head with talk of summertime. Say you'll need you with me now and always. Promise me that all you say is true. That's all i ask of you..."
It's crazy, how time flies.
Applications are...mean. In theory, they aren't that hard. If I was locked in a room with all the correct materials, with nothing to do but fill out all my applications, it wouldn't be that hard. The problem is that I don't have a room to lock myself in with nothing else to do...I have so much else to do, it makes the entire process ridiculously difficult. I think just getting an application in to a college should get you accepted - you've already done the hard part by just getting the damn thing submitted.
"You have brought me to that moment when words run dry, to that moment when speech disappears into silence, silence. I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why. In my mind I've already imagined our bodies intwining, defenseless and silent. Now I am here with you, no second thoughts. I've decided, decided..."
During your senior year, the only answer to "how are you" is "FINE" - no matter what the truth is. Everything is so crazy - i clean my room one day and it seems like the next day it's dirty again. Or I get through with one test in A.P. Government and I turn around and study for another one again. The crazy thing is I actually LIKE all my classes. INSANE. Government is really cool, even if there are a lot of tests. I find myself actually understanding everything....even in Chemistry!! I know!! Incredible!!
And what's up with money? For some reason I get money and then under 24 hours later it's all gone. What's wrong with me? I haven't even bought that much recently. I need money for lots of things...that digital camera i want for next year, two year anniversary plans, Christmas presents, a really nice winter coat, lipgloss....yes, lipgloss is absolutely needed. I tried to explain that in a Psychology assignment a few days ago, but sometimes I think maybe Mr. Jacoby doesn't even read my stuff. Maybe he doesn't have to.
"I don't understand about diamonds and why men buy them. What's so impressive about a diamond, except the mining? But it's dangerous work, trying to get to you too. And I think if I didn't have to kill, kill, kill, kill, kill myself doing it, maybe I wouldn't think so much of you."
Tim and I are doing good. Very good. It's weird, almost. We don't fight. I mean, not like we used to. I think we're both actually happy with each other. Wow...Annie's in a healthy relationship? How cool. But really, it's good.
The noon whistle blew. The others departed. Byron ate his lunch, the silver watch open beside him. When it said one oclock, he went back to work. He was alone in the loading shed, making his steady and interminable journeys between the shed and the car, with a piece of folded tow sack upon his shoulder for a pad and bearing upon the pad stacked burdens of staves which another would have said he could not raise or carry, when Lena Grove walked into the door behind him, her face already shaped with serene anticipatory smiling, her mouth already shaped upon a name. He hears her and turns and sees her face fade like the dying agitation of a dropped pebble in a spring.
"You ain't him," she says behind her fading smile, with the grave astonishment of a child.
What is this? I love Faulkner. No matter how confusing he is...his words are just so beautiful and perfectly stated. How many times has my face been "already shaped with serene anticipatory smiling," my "mouth already shaped upon a name"? But I never knew that that was what it was until I read it. It's AWESOME. | | |
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